la vie boheme

being all kinds of spontaneous.

you grab me by the hands and say, come with me, let's go on a vacation now. on a ferry with the wind rushing excitedly through our hair and sitting precariously on a railing.

we run through falling leaves of every colour and shape and size while the sun filters through in all its golden glory; biking down a hill, shrieking all the way with our hair flying.

all-night conversations where we tumble into a drugged high, on life and beauty and whispered secrets.

... smuggle me to places we have never been -- with hidden sunsets; city lights and the taste of the sea on our lips.

x

Dizzy up the girl

Good Lord, I just woke up from a nap and am again reminded about how giddy the nights can be.

Analogy

It was one of those wintry days, barely stepping into spring. The road was slick with melting snowflakes. The accident itself was bizarre - I was a careful driver and I knew it. Maybe you were too, but even if you weren't I wouldn't have known it then. Blind spots deceive the most discerning driver; attraction is often blind.

This is what happened: I turned when you did, perpendicular and unassuming, and my windshield shattered on perfect cue. I saw you in a shower of glass and snow. Your bumper crumpled when you braked a little too late, a little too hard. Our cars, obeying the absence of friction and the unswerving impact, straddled the curb. The laws of motion compel us to follow trajectories we never expect and that we can never fight against, and so when you fought against the ice with your steering wheel, we'd already lost.

They drove us to the hospital in a haze of wailing sirens. We weren't particularly injured, just very shaken. Our empty cars gathered snow and ice in the middle of the street, until the tow trucks came and all that was left of us was broken glass and tire marks.

You were very apologetic. You kept saying that you would pay for the repairs, for the medical fees, that you would explain the wrecked car to my parents if I needed you to. But as we sat there in the Emergency Room all it could think about was how I would one day tell my children that my first car accident had taken place at this drenched junction . With the throbbing pain from my sprained wrist and bruised neck I knew that I would tell them that snow makes everything seem more romantic, more surreal; that you will never be afraid of what can hurt you until you realise that you are utterly and completely fallible, and out of control.

I got my car fixed - all they had to do was replace the bumper and the windshield. But these days I take a long time to make right turns. The cars behind me usually slam on their horns with understandable impatience.



*

Thank you, for being patient.

Hugs, FTW.

Once, about 2 months ago,
I was running up some stairs, tripped,
and landed on my knee joint hitting the edge of a step.
If you have ever hit your joint against anything
you'll get what i'm talking about, the pain is of an odd excruciating sort.
My knee had this weird sharp dent when I looked at it
but as I watched, it kinda just gradually went away.
I just sat there, wishing the pain to go
and thought about how a hug would feel really nice.

Last weekend, whilst babysitting my neighbours twins
I was swinging Annie around in circles
and without intention nor much grace,
I swung her feet right into her twin Jackson's face.
So there was Jackson
a very tiny 18 month old boy with a very powerful voicebox
staring up at me with his widening eyes
hand clutching his cheek, slightly red and with traces of under-shoe dirt.

After snapping out of the initial "oh shit what do I do"
I suddenly remembered the hug desire that occurs when one feels physical pain.
So I scooped him into the best embrace my little arms could offer,
squeezed his miniscule frame and kissed the shoe mark on his face.
Jackson didn't cry that evening, even though Jackson always cries.

I felt like a winner.

Unafraid

Life is unfolding before me, as I solidify and come into being. My fuzzy pre-body rebirthed into confidence and direction.

A lot is going to happen, a lot of journeys will be embarked upon, and many beginnings celebrated.

Meet me here.

Birds

She was waiting at the station
He was getting off the train
He didn't have a ticket
so he had to bum through the barriers again

Well the ticket inspector saw him rushing
He said "girl you don't know how much I missed you but
we'd better run 'cause I haven't got the funds to pay this fine"
She said "fine"

Well so they ran out of the station and jumped onto a tram
with two of yesterdays metcards and two bottles of juice
And he said "you look well nice"

Well she was wearing a skirt
And he thought she looked nice
And yes, she didn't really care about anything else
'Cause she only wanted him to think that she looked nice

But he was looking at her, all funny in the eye
She said "come on boy, tell me what you're thinking
don't be shy."
He said, "alright, I'll try

All the stars in the sky
and the leaves in the trees
all the broken bits that make you jump
and the grassy bits in between
All the matter in the world is how much I like you"

She said "what?"
He said "let me try and explain again

Right, birds can fly so high
And they can shit on your head,
And they can almost fly into your eye
And make you feel well scared.
But when you look at them
And you see that they're beautiful
That's how I feel about you.
Yeah that's how I feel about you"

She said "what?"
He said "you"
she said" what are you talking about?"
He said "you"

she said "thanks, I like you too"
He said... "cool"

just the way you are

Thank you,

Edwin: for being a patient and engaging listener, for agreeing to take an active part in my life and being unafraid to be honest. For allowing me to be your comfortable friend, and extending your realm of existence to include me. Our uncomplicated familiar friendship is a great comfort.

p.s. Congratulations! I foresee an AMAZING year ahead for you. (: (: