Storytelling, and then some.

la vie boheme

2011-05-07T01:08:00.000+10:00

being all kinds of spontaneous.

you grab me by the hands and say, come with me, let's go on a vacation now. on a ferry with the wind rushing excitedly through our hair and sitting precariously on a railing.

we run through falling leaves of every colour and shape and size while the sun filters through in all its golden glory; biking down a hill, shrieking all the way with our hair flying.

all-night conversations where we tumble into a drugged high, on life and beauty and whispered secrets.

... smuggle me to places we have never been -- with hidden sunsets; city lights and the taste of the sea on our lips.

x

Dizzy up the girl

2011-01-30T23:12:00.001+10:00

Good Lord, I just woke up from a nap and am again reminded about how giddy the nights can be.

Analogy

2011-01-14T00:04:00.002+10:00

It was one of those wintry days, barely stepping into spring. The road was slick with melting snowflakes. The accident itself was bizarre - I was a careful driver and I knew it. Maybe you were too, but even if you weren't I wouldn't have known it then. Blind spots deceive the most discerning driver; attraction is often blind.

This is what happened: I turned when you did, perpendicular and unassuming, and my windshield shattered on perfect cue. I saw you in a shower of glass and snow. Your bumper crumpled when you braked a little too late, a little too hard. Our cars, obeying the absence of friction and the unswerving impact, straddled the curb. The laws of motion compel us to follow trajectories we never expect and that we can never fight against, and so when you fought against the ice with your steering wheel, we'd already lost.

They drove us to the hospital in a haze of wailing sirens. We weren't particularly injured, just very shaken. Our empty cars gathered snow and ice in the middle of the street, until the tow trucks came and all that was left of us was broken glass and tire marks.

You were very apologetic. You kept saying that you would pay for the repairs, for the medical fees, that you would explain the wrecked car to my parents if I needed you to. But as we sat there in the Emergency Room all it could think about was how I would one day tell my children that my first car accident had taken place at this drenched junction . With the throbbing pain from my sprained wrist and bruised neck I knew that I would tell them that snow makes everything seem more romantic, more surreal; that you will never be afraid of what can hurt you until you realise that you are utterly and completely fallible, and out of control.

I got my car fixed - all they had to do was replace the bumper and the windshield. But these days I take a long time to make right turns. The cars behind me usually slam on their horns with understandable impatience.

*

Thank you, for being patient.

Hugs, FTW.

2011-01-07T16:11:00.002+10:00

Once, about 2 months ago,
I was running up some stairs, tripped,
and landed on my knee joint hitting the edge of a step.
If you have ever hit your joint against anything
you'll get what i'm talking about, the pain is of an odd excruciating sort.
My knee had this weird sharp dent when I looked at it
but as I watched, it kinda just gradually went away.
I just sat there, wishing the pain to go
and thought about how a hug would feel really nice.

Last weekend, whilst babysitting my neighbours twins
I was swinging Annie around in circles
and without intention nor much grace,
I swung her feet right into her twin Jackson's face.
So there was Jackson
a very tiny 18 month old boy with a very powerful voicebox
staring up at me with his widening eyes
hand clutching his cheek, slightly red and with traces of under-shoe dirt.

After snapping out of the initial "oh shit what do I do"
I suddenly remembered the hug desire that occurs when one feels physical pain.
So I scooped him into the best embrace my little arms could offer,
squeezed his miniscule frame and kissed the shoe mark on his face.
Jackson didn't cry that evening, even though Jackson always cries.

I felt like a winner.

Unafraid

2011-01-05T23:13:00.003+10:00

Life is unfolding before me, as I solidify and come into being. My fuzzy pre-body rebirthed into confidence and direction.

A lot is going to happen, a lot of journeys will be embarked upon, and many beginnings celebrated.

Meet me here.

Birds

2010-12-19T17:23:00.001+10:00

She was waiting at the station
He was getting off the train
He didn't have a ticket
so he had to bum through the barriers again

Well the ticket inspector saw him rushing
He said "girl you don't know how much I missed you but
we'd better run 'cause I haven't got the funds to pay this fine"
She said "fine"

Well so they ran out of the station and jumped onto a tram
with two of yesterdays metcards and two bottles of juice
And he said "you look well nice"

Well she was wearing a skirt
And he thought she looked nice
And yes, she didn't really care about anything else
'Cause she only wanted him to think that she looked nice

But he was looking at her, all funny in the eye
She said "come on boy, tell me what you're thinking
don't be shy."
He said, "alright, I'll try

All the stars in the sky
and the leaves in the trees
all the broken bits that make you jump
and the grassy bits in between
All the matter in the world is how much I like you"

She said "what?"
He said "let me try and explain again

Right, birds can fly so high
And they can shit on your head,
And they can almost fly into your eye
And make you feel well scared.
But when you look at them
And you see that they're beautiful
That's how I feel about you.
Yeah that's how I feel about you"

She said "what?"
He said "you"
she said" what are you talking about?"
He said "you"

she said "thanks, I like you too"
He said... "cool"

just the way you are

2010-09-30T00:37:00.001+10:00

Thank you,

Edwin: for being a patient and engaging listener, for agreeing to take an active part in my life and being unafraid to be honest. For allowing me to be your comfortable friend, and extending your realm of existence to include me. Our uncomplicated familiar friendship is a great comfort.

p.s. Congratulations! I foresee an AMAZING year ahead for you. (: (:

Romantic

2010-09-20T23:09:00.002+10:00

Nothing dramatic. A conversation. Not even a kindly-lidded bench in New York park, just some unglamorous anywhere in the world, an ugly bench, or a ledge. He sits and she sits. Not the best lighting, maybe the last few hours where the sun weakly insists upon itself; the sky is gaining weight with the dinner-dark. They sit and they both hold flyers they received from a rambunctious girl earlier with a chipmunk grin and a bobbing ponytail. She was too eager, she had so many of those flyers. The flyer advertises clubbing events. In both their left hands they hold that yellow slip of paper. In her other hand she holds a cheap doughnut, a planet of sugar, nutella oozing, two bites flawed.

"You could get anyone you want," he says, and he is being hyperbolic, because if someone was truly capable of such a cosmic command, they wouldn't' be human. She looks inspecific in the late light. She is so flattered that she can't immediately respond.

"That sounds like people are products. And you can buy them."

"That never occurred to me," he considers. She takes another bite, she chews too loudly. Just the sounds of chewing, and the afternoon ending.

"If it was like that, how much would you cost?"

He grins and then he replies:

"One yellow flyer. A half-eaten doughnut."

i like eggs

2010-09-10T12:04:00.000+10:00

"Look, if you don't want to go out with me, I'd totally understand."
"No, I'd totally want to go out with you."
"Are you asking me out?"
"...Well, I have two free tickets for a movie on Monday..."
"Really?"
"...No, not really. I panicked. but I could..."

Nice. I think we started out well. With laughter.

But as I have always prayed dear Lord, bless it or break it.
Only with you heart, and to the ends of the earth.

Daddy

2010-09-05T03:04:00.003+10:00

Being a father is no TV commercial, no simple feat of tossing a ball or braiding her hair. It is waking up a split second in the middle of the night before you hear her fall out of bed. It is watching her dance in a tutu and wondering what it would be like to dance at her wedding. It is maintaining the illusion of having the upper hand although you've been powerless since the first moment she smiled at you from the rook's nest of your cradled arm.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love you more than the moon, stars and sun combined!

Return

2010-01-24T03:31:00.003+10:00

Having just stepped off the plane, the city seems to have subtly restructured itself. My neighbourhood seems a different shade and the sky just one shade off the ordinary brown-grey. It is night time and I am tired.

It is always better to come home at night, no matter the duration away. I feel like I have been gone forever and ever, in that supremely hyperbolic manner of the sheltered. When I think of the word "sheltered", I think of a small snail peeping out at the rain. Even the air in your house seems a bit foreign, your mind and body get momentarily confused, but all this will change tomorrow. I will wake up in the same house and the same room and a settling rhythm of days.

Life Lesson #3, #55, #102....

2010-01-16T02:04:00.007+10:00

"less is more" does not hold in the world of shoes.

nor bags.

Maria

2010-01-12T23:51:00.001+10:00

I can't sleep. I flop on my back and stare at the ceiling fan, whirling and churning above like a blender. I listen to her breathe. Thick, raspy gasps like the ghostly traffic inside a seashell. It is good she is asleep now, she was complaining how tired she felt. This is not the first time I am staying the night with her, but it is the first time she slept before me.

In the window, I look for the buttery lights that wink on the dim stretched road. All I see are a wall of painted grills and scratchy green curtains, green as the stain left on my finger from a brass ring.

I sit up and start scribbling with a yellow highlighter, so pale they barely leave any impressions on the raggedy sheets of notebook paper, more like invisible ink or dried-up lemon juice. I make a mental note to buy her a ballpoint tomorrow. It will be the third one this week. Sometimes I poke ballpoint pens under the running tap, just to see the color bleed blue, an arc of aqua. Like the Barbie whose eyelids turn cobalt blue when you dip them in warm water.

I close my eyes and picture the back of the house. It always smells of freshly brewed coffee and the soup of the day. The cabinet never runs out of raspberry syrup and buttery biscuits. The freezer rarely has ice cream, when it does, it is a real treat. Two giant scoops in a cup, we eat them together with a big spoon and bigger grins.

Few times in a month, she sits in that corner bordering the hall and the kitchen, and grinds bowls and bowls of chillies. Beside her lay a player so dusty, its speaker holes looked plugged. She listens and sings to her tape while the blender whirls the chilies into mash, the noises are actually cool.

Tomorrow, she will greet the morning with a big pot of coffee and a spree to the wet market. When she gets home, we will tear chunks of white bread, soak them in milk coffee, and take turns feeding each other our favorite breakfast. She promised a corn-flavoured ice cream treat in the afternoon. I want to try adding raspberry syrup to it. I think she will like the idea.

Then I fall asleep and think about nothing at all.

/*

I have a new flavour now. Chocolate ice cream, tinged with dark brown candy bar mellowness. But if I ever see her again... corn flavour it is, grandma.

Life Lesson #58

2010-01-09T23:21:00.000+10:00

Treading across waterlogged grass that might contain either leeches or quicksand, or both.

"Jo, quit acting like a girl and just do it!"

Things I love

2009-12-21T01:18:00.000+10:00

the rough fabric of deck cushions against my shins
the white arc of airplanes against a swathe of blue sky
how my shadow falls on the pages of my book
gentle waves lapping my feet
grocery stores
rambly train rides in foreign countries
seagulls lifting off from a little slice of land in the middle of a bay
dad's arm firmly around mine
flowers nodding in the breeze
warmth of the kitchen
the slap of water
the smell of new clothes
swirling disco colours
cooking and baking from scratch and with love
divine intervention; letters from the past
crumbs of sand between my toes
c h r i s t m a s

beautiful disaster

2009-12-17T23:40:00.002+10:00

MS : i heard a rumor that you wanna fight me. ill fight ya. bring it on

JC : YAH WELL IT"S ON BUDDY. IMMA TAKE YOU ON AND TAKE YOU DOWN

MS : just try

JC : I won't try. I WILL

MS : im gonna send you a package and youll be like: oh, how nice, and when you open the box a knock out punch will fly at you from thebox

JC : OH YEAH I WILL SEND YOU YOUR OWN SEVERED HAND IN THE BOX. WHEN YOU RECEIVE IT YOU"LL BE OH HOW NICE BUT THEN YOU WON"T BE ABLE TO OPEN IT COS YOU HAVE NO HAND.

-----------------------

The best things come from the worst disasters, indeed!

beached

2009-12-16T23:23:00.000+10:00

I was taking a shower the other day and thought to myself: how wonderful it is to be perpetually tanned, to glow gold and bright and to feel the heat of the sun washing your skin way after dark. I know, this is called cancer. But I love the tan-lines that trace around my body, a stark reminder of how alive I am.

halfway there

2009-12-02T02:37:00.003+10:00

And now... life after 27 November 2009! It somehow never occurred to me that there would be a 28th of November. In fact, almost every waking moment for the past few days was geared towards this very day of semi accomplishment.

From the late nights to the dreadfully early mornings of Derivatives, from waking Damien up at 5am to print exam notes to the "what the heck is going on in Corps" panic attacks, to Accounting 101 with KH (life saver!) and the many coffee runs, to last minute textbook buying, to photocopying a friend of a friend's lecture notes, to brunch and awesome muffins at Briscola, to soup at Tre Sette, to the anticipation of checking out my macro lecturer.. the list goes on.

I must say, I am suffering from this "post-uni syndrome", and today, I feel like keeping even more silent than usual. The feeling is hard to explain. It is a bittersweet "that went by real quick", combined with the rush of "I did it!".

I can't really share this feeling with anyone else. It is not like a milkshake, or a bag of popcorn. It is a long drawn out moment, like a deep sigh, like a sunset... a special, and unique memory, just for me.

A soft rhythm barely registers with the whir of the portable fan and soft breathing through my slightly stuffy nose. I can almost hear my heartbeat. It is a happy one.

365 days doing what I'm doing, and there is no place I'd rather be.

my Hero

2009-09-06T23:26:00.000+10:00

You tucked me in, turned out the light
kept me safe and sound at night
little girls depend on things like that.
Brushed my teeth, combed my hair
Had to drive me everywhere
You were always there when I looked back.

You had to do it all alone
make a living, make a home
must have been as hard as it could be.
And when I couldn't sleep at night
scared things wouldn't turn out right

you would hold my hand and sing to me

"Caterpillar in the tree, how you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream
wish you may and wish you might
don't you worry, hold on tight
I promise there will come a day
Butterfly fly away."

Happy Father's Day
06/09/09

sunshine on heels

2009-07-15T22:48:00.005+10:00

work. work. work. work. work. work.

loving Court life.
hating office paper work.

At least the past days paperwork's been drafting letters and orders instead of researching legislation and cases. You might as well get out a tranquilizer gun and shoot me.

But imagine being cramped in an office the whole day? I couldn't take it.
I think my top 3 feared jobs would be teaching, office work and being a proctologist.
Yes, in that order. No offence guys but i have just no patience in repeating myself everyday, every year! I find it monotonous and extremely dull. But that said, i guess if you enjoy what you do, you'd love it eh? If not, we wouldn't have lecturers i guess.

Anyways, today when i fumbled into office late, wet and loud, our crim lawyer Mick exclaimed "ah, our sunshine on heels is here!". To which i gave him this very perplexed look and sorta half smiled, half giggled. Its been raining the past few days n me "walking" into the office usually involves bursting in with my heels clumsily after climbing the massively unending flight of stairs.

Apparently, a Mrs X whom i met in Court on Monday remembered me during a latter appointment and asked Mick where I was. And she described me as "the little sunshine in heels!" (:

Apparently, "i glow!" *BEAMS*

That, said i shouldn't get too pleased as it could be an indicator of mental impairment on behalf of Mrs X! (touch wood!)

And heels are officially killing me, but i'm determined to not be a frumpy practical person.
No pain no gain right?
Bring on the fancy schmancy dresses and heels! That's the only thing that spurs me to get out of bed when my phone makes that un-godly chime at that un-godly hour. Well, that and the thought i get to play with the coffee maker and pick a new pastry from the bakery next door. (:

Ahh, a glimpse into a fulfilling but poor lawyers life.

Anyways, it's nearly 11pm. bed time! uggghh. working is way more tiring than i thought. n i shudder everytime i think i'll be doing it 5 days a week next year.... FOREVERRRRR!!! *sigh*

*deep breathes*

i am so hungry as of now i ignore the rules of grammar and just ramble. apologies.

Anyway, tomorrow's another gloooorious day of trying to stay in Court and dodge office paperwork! yeayyyyy me!

remembrance and loss

2009-06-30T02:12:00.018+10:00

k. i know i don't usually post up events and like a review of "what jo did for the week and weekend", especially not in detail, because i figure unless it's done immediately, you're just trying to present the event the way you want people to see it. and somehow, the moment has changed. it becomes what you wanted it to be. what you wanted people to think it was. BUT, these 2 are my little exceptions:

***
#1

2 hours. No Intermission. 25 songs. pure entertainment. pure bliss.

yes. OMG. we were THAT close!

so yeah, we probably were the youngest people there but it's lovely seeing old(-er) people really enjoy their music. and my high school jive lessons paid off when everyone came out to dance for Cecilia! though the old dude next to me who bravely did a jig with me out-stepped me in every single step! and not to mention, had really good hip movements!

oh and that old guy on the piano (above) who is i think the spitting image of Parkinson, is a whizz! they zoomed in on the big screen and his technique! for his age, he should be having arthritis right now!

i'm still riding on a high! no amount of "!!!'s" can justify the night.

no need for fancy literary words and all that to hype it up. plain and simple, it was the BOMB.

Simon & Garfunkel.

legends. that's what they are.

all this, topped of with a massive buffet brekkie the next day.

perfection.

**
#2

I went to see the Pompeii exhibit!

ok. i know this doesn't sound as exciting but since i watched this Pompeii documentary on national geographic when i was a kid, I've always had this fascination for Pompeii. Greek history and who conquered who, and definitions of who your are by birth and favour and clothing... it's all really fascinating. plus, if your not into that sort of thing, i'm sure the whole minor bit about a volcano exploding and spewing ash, wiping out the whole city in 24 hours will probably get your attention. if all else fails, there are 3D movies of it! now c'mon!

**

on a sadder note,

Too weird to live, too rare to die.

The King of Pop who cemented his super stardom when he was 4, his musical legacy will live on.

RIP Michael Jackson.

i truly will miss you.

oh no!

2009-06-07T00:16:00.004+10:00

Archie proposes to Veronica!

I know... I can't believe it either.

I am beyond heartbroken.

Maybe he took the recession into consideration.

He loves you yeah yeah yeah!

2009-06-02T13:07:00.002+10:00

I know Jo. Of course I know. Everyone knows. The homeless dude in the corner knows.
~Nims, over our Crepe breakfast.

*

Meanwhile, I have got to find ways to rein in my own personal spending without sacrificing my lifestyle in a draconian way.

Unknowingly Aussified

2009-05-25T23:09:00.001+10:00

Jo: I am not a happy camper.

Adam: A Happy Camper Jo? God, that was SO WHITE.

Orange.

2009-05-20T17:43:00.002+10:00

It's fall and it isn't raining. That means the rusty trees are stark against the cloudless skies, and that the carpet of leaf litter is dry and crispy. Walking over the little pots of confined grass, deliberately avoiding the concrete slabs, listening to the crinkle and rustle of a dying season while soaking in the earthy sweet aroma of fall, it isn't hard to live in the moment. It isn't hard to find peace and gloriously bask in the liberal ideals of life.

Thank you God for your Creation.
Most importantly, that you God for You.

Your shoes and The Future Ahead

2009-05-14T23:05:00.007+10:00

Todays blog post is dedicated to Hang Apoo who leaves the beloved motherland soon to further his studies.
Godspeed to you my black friend who endured racial jokes all this while, whilst contributing to awesome singing sessions and always meeting your mother's curfew even at the age of 18.

Finally Abel steps into a life of independence, fagging, jamming and getting laid(hopefully).

I wish you all the ~~breast~~ best.

now, where's that 10 bucks you promised for this post?

Thank yous

2009-05-10T23:04:00.000+10:00

I am very grateful to the people around me. Although some of them were not the God-rockers *knowing wink*, they showed me the face of God anyway, perhaps more clearly then I have ever seen. From the calls, the random messages to the little notes, I was just so touched everytime one arrived. I honestly did not think some of you would even remember or think of me this day, let alone expect all this. It certainly brightened up and made the day go faster.

Each of you know who you are: I am so honoured to call you Friend. I say that my life is perfect and it is only because of you.

*

On a similar note...

Esther and Bix,
You guys truly are special.

Best day today

2009-05-10T22:01:00.000+10:00

I'm five years old, it's getting cold I've got my big coat on
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you, I run and run
Past the flower patch and my training bike,
Look now, the sky is gold!
I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home.

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
But I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop 'till I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school
But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today

There is a video I found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs
And Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady
in the whole wide world.

And now,

I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
For staying back and watching me shine
And I didn't know if you knew, so I'm taking this chance to say
That I had the best day with you today.

Aquariums

2009-05-10T01:17:00.000+10:00

for Daddy.

A blind man once taught my father how to sketch three fish tangled up. An exercise of symmetry, a fascinating procedure for the boy who would one day become a father and marvel at the physics of a family. It was a mantra for him, these fish. He could draw them with his eyes squeezed shut. He wasn't particularly artistic; art had never interested him. But these fish, they were different.

I remember learning how to draw them when I was very young, the fascinated father and the condescending child hunched over sheets of paper with the same three fish entwining over and over again in an endless sprawl of pages. Not understanding his preoccupation with three stupid fish. I wanted a dog. Or guinea pigs Something I could cuddle.

Only to realise, ten years later, that these fish were no work of art. They were a moebius strip of his life: his three children, the perfectly trisected circle, the vanishing point at the centre, the perpendicular tails. The miracle of parenthood. Completely unaware of how his future had been told all those decades ago by a man who couldn't see and who trusted only in the intuition of his fingers. We were never perfect these three fish - we wriggled and spun far beyond the reach of his protective sphere - but we stuck. Three heads going in different directions but never too far apart.

Not a good sign

2009-05-07T14:49:00.000+10:00

Guest lecturer: This is how he builds the dome. Who's actually been there?

One student raises their hand

Guest lecturer: Excellent. This will make sense to you then.

Uhmm... if your lecture is about something overseas, and it will only make sense to the one person in the room who has been there, your lecture is not very good.

Does heaven have a phone number?

2009-04-17T22:54:00.003+10:00

Mummy went to Heaven, but I need her here today,
My foot hurts and I fell down; I need her right away,
Operator, can you tell me how to find her in this book?
Is heaven in the yellow part? I don't know where to look.

Help me find the number please, is it listed under "Heaven"?
I think my daddy needs her too; at night I hear him cry
I hear him call her name sometimes; but I really don't know why.

Maybe if I call her, she will hurry home to me
Is Heaven very far away, is it across the sea?
She's been gone a long, long time; she needs to come home now!
I really need to reach her, but I simply don't know how.

Maybe if I call my church, maybe they will know
Mummy said when we need help, that's where we should go.
I found the number to my church tacked up on the wall.
Thank you operator, I think I'll give them a call.

room service, please?

2009-04-15T21:48:00.005+10:00

In the marble lobby, people zoomed through turnstiles, as if heading for the subway instead of an elevator. I stifled a yawn and gawked at the pictures in the science magazine. Concentrating on volcanoes belching and stars exploding felt like an evil pleasure I could well do without. The page became a fiery shimmer, it was like looking through a kaleidoscope.

The hotel manager, Julie, comes and sits on the couch next to me. I try not to dribble my coffee on my dress. In my sleep deprived state, everything had a two-dimensional , faraway quality - such as the distance between the croissant and my mouth. She parted her lips and said the exact words I needed to hear, "Miss, the room is ready for you."

And I am ready for the room.

The many talents of Crouch

2009-03-14T00:29:00.019+10:00

this just cracked me up la....

Federer'd

2009-03-08T22:18:00.005+10:00

Today i learnt through alot of grunting and panting and kit kat breaks that tennis is so not my sport. say it with me: ai-YOH!

On the other hand, i also learnt that eating korean food is a sport i really really do enjoy. And i'd like to think i'm pretty good at it. (:

Will you catch me if I fall?

2009-03-03T22:51:00.001+10:00

I walk through the rain and remind myself that I am real, that this clutching misty sensation is just part of the side of clarity. Everyday I discover something new, every day I am beginning again, every word I read is novelty and everything you say is beautiful.

This is it, a very acute case of vertigo, my toes gripping the ledge and - here I am. With my arms full of vulnerability and wide-eyed hope. My overreactions going into overdrive. I promise I still have the guts to step over the edge, that even with all I have given, I must still have left to give. Oh yes, I am determined to fall again.

In love.

In life.

happy valentine's day!

2009-02-14T01:15:00.008+10:00

i have a whole schpiel actually about valentines and what it does not signify, after hearing friends, single or not rant about the absurdness of isolating one day to show love, and capitalism.

...

mehh. lazyness wins. hehehe.

But basically..

.....as the Boy would say. Milk It. (:

*snipped*

jo says:
lalalalala.... happy valentines big guy!

alex-ding-a-dong:
not again... whats to be happy about

jo says:
plenty, you have your... that new blackberry thing!

alex-ding-a-dong:
only because i broke the old one... ecstatic

jo says:
well you've got a pantry chocked with godiva! geddit?? gedditt? chocked!

alex-ding-a-dong:
ha. don't even like chocolates

jo says:
hahaha. geez. oh come on. at least you can say you actually spent it in the City of Love! plus, i'm alone too!! BUT you're alone IN THE CITY OF LoooOOOoooVEEE!!

alex-ding-a-dong:
let me know when this is going to start making me feel better

/*

Happy V-day! Stare and melt into the eyes of your boyfriend, the man whose socks you'll be pairing in to the sunset. :P

Melbourne!

2009-02-09T02:14:00.001+10:00

I'm back!

Malaysia was great, thanks to all you peeps who brought me out and about, entertained me, did retarded dances with me and stuffed yourself full with me. (:

And sorry if you texted to my number and I never replied . It might be either/and

I have no more credit
I don't know you (yes YOU, crazy Indon guy)
You never left your name (again, crazy Indon guy)
I was lazy at the time you texted and I forgot later on

But I have remembered what my brother told me ages ago and have put it into practice. It saves time and money, and is very effective. Basically, if that person really wanted to talk to you, they'd call.

'tis true.

night time drizzle

2009-01-29T15:01:00.008+10:00

I like to walk around in the dark. Tonight, I stretched on the damp grass and let the rain pelt my face. Mosquitoes nipped my neck, feeling somewhat like a flu shot. They were so thick, I could see them whizzing across the sky like an inverse meteor shower. I took shelter, lit a citronella candle tucked in the cup of a terracotta vase, smelling like warm sunscreen and pool chemicals. It threw shadows on the deck, lapping the steps in halogen hues. The wind whipped the palms, sounding like applause, and I felt like I was standing on the breeze-blown deck of a great ship.

The sky was made of water. It was leaking liquid light. I listen to the traffic, a sea-sound, pulsing like the ocean. I walk up the stairs to my room, turn the knob, and step inside.

Where's Gorgeous?

2009-01-27T23:21:00.002+10:00

I relentlessly flirt with babies and the ridiculous.

I believe I spelt that right.

I've had my fun, Baby I'm done...

2009-01-25T13:45:00.002+10:00

Not at all. It's good to be back and to see old things new. It's strange to be a stranger to the familiar. It's strange when home decides to look at you differently. A lot of things running through my mind and I feel like my arms aren't long enough to wrap myself nicely around these... issues.

It just confirmed that a moment of truth is exactly that. A moment.
it's probably not going to remain true forever, not tomorrow, not 2 or 8 months later.
And seriously, we're all guilty of this.

Just that, as Curtis says, "this is a story you're living, and I want you to live it well."

What's going on?

Please let me come home.

amidst the madness

2009-01-09T11:56:00.002+10:00

Palm Lodge @ 10pm.
I step into Dharens' car.
Smile.

Hello.

And then he drives us deeper into our private world.

oh oh nine!

2009-01-01T16:02:00.001+10:00

We slept through the New Year. We were so tired we didn't even take down the Christmas tree.

When I woke up this morning, there was a pale quiet over the house. It wasn't the stale sort of loneliness you get after leaving the house for months and years. It was alive - thick and breathing, almost as if in our sleep some presence had settled comfortably over the carpets, and tiled floors and sinks. No one was awake and I tiptoed around to peek.

Sis's hair fanned out across her pillow in black and red waves, like a melodramatic freeze frame from a movie. I shook her shoulder.

"Wake up jelly belly", I said. It's the new year. Happy New Year.

She didn't stir; the clockwork rise and fall of her chest uninterrupted and intractable. Not unlike a gentle tide. Kenya had left its mark.

Dad was cocooned lightly in a papery whirl of blankets.

I opened the front door and stepped onto the porch. The drowsiness was heavy; I had to brush it away from my face and arms to walk through it.

Strands of somnolence tickled my cheeks and ears. In every house, I imagined people asleep; sprawled across couches, in armchairs, standing up, in bathtubs still slopping with water. Deep in a peaceful slumber, dense and dream-filled, slight smiles on their faces.

An entire nation had abandoned busyness and was fulfilling it's new year's resolution at the same time.

i heart home

2008-11-20T22:41:00.003+10:00

... san pellegrino's instead of tap water

... steak and apple danish for dinner

... taco's

... warm cinnamon doughnuts and "it's, Nigella!" tea

... truffles (the dog, not the fungus. nor the chocolate)

... watching Adam Hills on TV under the blanket with the family

... followed by Russell Peters with my dad chuckling away

what more can a girl want?

an air ticket to Kenya, perhaps? (:

ASOS-ing

2008-11-17T00:52:00.006+10:00

have got a trusts paper in exactly 7 hours and 2 mins,
i really should be revising.
but i am an over-confident, under-achieving student.

home is where you are loved

2008-11-04T17:58:00.001+10:00

In the morning I awoke with a start. It was a nightmare, albeit at 10am. I dreamt that I had cockroaches in my bed - huge ones. I tossed around for a bit to regain my composure, settling down only after convincing myself that no, I didn't need to get exterminators in and that I needn't bag and spray all my possessions - again,

I turned to my window to watch the light stream in between the two tall buildings. My bed is soft, cosy and warm, with sheets that have been mine for years. I am cradled. I was going to be late for breakfast - crepes, coffee and fruit. I continued to watch the buildings and started to wonder if I was happier here than in Malaysia. Then it dawned on me that home was shifting. I wasn't sad, but rather filled with wonder - that Malaysia is no less home to me as Melbourne has enlarged itself in my heart. Am I growing bigger on the inside? I felt little heart tentacles stretch out from within my chest, as if to grab hold of the essence of my relationships here in Melbourne. A part of me.

Nim calls. It's 10.15, and I am already loving the day.

Wendy

2008-10-26T20:49:00.002+10:00

My body staggers beneath me and peels away into sleep; I can see my hair fanning out against my pillow - is that what I look like when I am asleep? With smudged eyes and a crumpled smile? I have no time to think. I trip over the bedsheets and he laughs, a bundle of skinny limbs and olivegreen clothes.

Once we are out of the window, I can see him clearly: he looks nothing like the Peter Pan in books and movies; he is holding my hand and his knuckles are just as white as mine, is he afraid?

I'm not Wendy, I'm not brave enough to walk off planks or talk to pirates and suddenly I can't remember how to swim but there we are, rising through shadows of leaves into sunrise.

There are slivers of words and phrases I remember, like fairy dust, and the second star to the right and straight on till morning. In this weightlessness they seem oddly inconsequential. My adult tendencies grip my heart and Peter Pan says, with great gravity, the Rationality will kill me - is he asking me to be irrational? The space in-between one stratosphere and the next is no place to make decisions like these.

I close my eyes, and hold on tight.

.

.

.

.

[Every day i learn a little more about what prioritizing means. With a little more profundity than before.]

not-so-political rant

2008-10-15T20:02:00.004+10:00

Ok. I've had it. I'm not the biggest authority on politics and world events (I did think Kofi Annan was Samuel L Jackson and still can't quite tell you what NATO is), but here's my two cents.

I mean free speech is great and all, especially in this time of election fever. But when it's reduced to unqualified name-calling it has no value and is dangerous. I say this particularly because I am within the context of the university, where you would expect individuals to be a little more educated and well thought-out.

You can't call Bush a moron and expect us to take it. Being in Melbourne does not mean that you need not back up baseless arguments that seem to regurgitate mainstream discourse. You can't just sit around and poke fun at Palin and what have you not if you're not going to tell me WHY they're bad ideas. Being conservative is not enough. Maybe it's the way I was brought up, but I find it terribly elementary to pidgeon hole everything with shallow labels.

But that's all besides the point. Kick me for not having a sense of humour, but I think poking fun at minority political views is tantamount to ideological discrimination. If someone can't spell out their political views without fearing a negative reaction, then we've lost sight of what it means to be a democracy. You're supposed to engage! not senselessly intimidate each other with what's politically popular.

Of course, my feathers ruffle when my friend tells me that he loves McCain and what America stands for, and that he lingers on the other side of the fence as I do. But give him a chance to explain why, and it makes sense. Not to say that I agree with him, but I would not take him to be a fool, and, I learn.

So what I see now, is a politically-illiterate mass, thinking that they know what it means to have democracy since they can arrogantly belittle the views of others when they themselves have not put much thought into their own. If political ideology were like skin colour, things would be a little different.

I'd like to think, that if one really has thought through their stand on things, they'd respect another's opinion, because they would know what it takes to come to a personal conclusion. And from respect comes engagement, didectic discourse and a richer more substantial democracy.

In my disgruntled state, I feel like this society is a farce.

hrrmphh..

Ever so sweet

2008-10-11T22:02:00.010+10:00

We were on the topic of twins, and somewhere along the line, the Boy commented on how his bro was better at him in sports and jokingly chided, "heck, he's better than me in everything!". Then he paused as if remembering something, and said no, he was better in one thing.

and silly me who wasn't really paying that much attention took awhile to realise the "aww-nesss" of the moment, when the Boy said:

"I've got you."

It's getting hot in here...

2008-10-10T01:38:00.003+10:00

... so... wear short shorts.

Glory. After 4 months of jeans, tights and pajama bottoms, I can finally resurrect my shorts and wear them in the 21 degree heat. My knees haven't seen the light of day in eons and they're becoming the colour of uncooked dough. So it was a joy to dig into the nether reaches of my cupboard and pull out one of 'em comfy things...

Cept Larry gets in the way.
Dear ol' Larry, we have some issues here.

Edit: Temp dropped. Back in tights.

1%

2008-10-09T04:16:00.002+10:00

The problem is that I am not compelled. My fingers will not curl around my pencils and pens, my fingers they lie loosely on my desk or in my hair or in the pages of books that refuse to end.

It is not because I have no words. They are gauzy creatures that float in side of me - lithe, like balloons. It is because they enjoy the jumble that arrive with the flood of thought, and there are times when my mind is so racked with thinking that I forget what to say, or write, or even express.

But I must not forget how my life has always arranged itself in vowels and consonants. To be completely kitschy: how my verbs they move me and my adjectives they shape me, and I must not forget.

Causality can be very overwhelming. Am I deprived of words because I am weary - or am I weary because I am deprived of words?

drama mama

2008-10-05T18:10:00.003+10:00

There is no longer any doubt that the omni present hates me. Maybe in another life, I had inadvertently started a natural disaster and thousands of innocent lives were lost. Maybe I had unknowingly stepped on a magic talking ant or eaten a baby.

Whatever it is, I know with absolute certainty that whatever i 'd done was celestially unforgivable. For behold, my reflection from the mirror in front of me, clear as fries are deep-fried, radiant as the sun, obvious as Robbie William's masculinity, shines a friggin' spot on my forehead the size of a football field (give or take).

I am pretty darn sure dreaming of sweet-smelling roses and little pink flying pigs doesn't result in an overnight mountain on my forehead. I must still be sleeping.

::blinks hard and stares at mirror again::

Wow. There it is. It's practically dancing.

Nahh..

2008-09-30T14:34:00.007+10:00

For my three darling Californian boho's who have been bugging me to join Myspace:

carebear staaaaaareee......! (:

Everything's made to be broken

2008-09-26T20:24:00.004+10:00

It really isn't hard to win my love: Have self-assurance, and a world view a little bigger than yourself, and you will have my unequivocal affection. Then the humour, laugh at me, and I will laugh with you and hold your hand.

Sitting in the back of Roger's car and listening to the boys chatter easily without me, I think I have found a new level of happiness. I am absolutely content.

I just want you to know who I am.

Passenger seat

2008-09-22T21:27:00.006+10:00

I roll the window down,
and then begin to breathe in
the darkest country road
and the strong scent of evergreen

Then looking upwards,
I strain my eyes and try
to tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
from the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

"Do they collide?"
I ask and you smile.
With my feet on the dash
the world does not matter.

When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride,
when you need directions then i'll be the guide
For all time.

I love car rides, in the backseat, where you cease to exist, lost within yourself.
And in the passenger seat up front, where you share a journey.

I think we've forgotten how essential journeys are in life. In our midst to get somewhere, quicker, faster and better, we fail to consider the moments shared behind the dashboard. Here is where I talk to my dad, and pour out my heart and mind. There is where I share comfortable silences with the Boy, after a hectic day of window shopping and clothes trying. And then was when I laughed with Bix, trying to park at the Seremban Market at 6am for a beef noodle fix, or on our way to grab coffee at cafe cafe, or just to NYDC. And also on cake runs with Lyds, under the gorgeous stars filtering through the leaves in the Garden. And sometimes with Sam, burning rubber in the back streets of Ballarat. And finally, with Jon, from home and back, talking about life and life.

I think we forget that life isn't just about being there, it's getting there. And while you're at it, love and be as much as possible. It makes 'there' an easier place to exist in when you've got good company. In fact, I think the point of getting 'there' is to enjoy the company of those who have travelled with you.

Please, make car rides longer, let's take buses, ferries, planes. Let's just keep going. And even though we're always moving, let's remember to keep home.

I need you so much closer, so come on

i beg to differ.

2008-09-13T15:40:00.000+10:00

I want to be sure, and to act with decisiveness.

Just because you're strong and loud and mainstream, does not mean that you are right.

What is truth? What does rightness mean?

It would be pointless to search for the right answer (or approach) I guess.. I've seen too many opinions and experiences. What encapsulates us and makes us one? If we can find that, maybe we can find 'truth'. And no, don't give me that humanity/ human race we are all one shit. That's like saying we are all united by cardon - all hail carbon, Carbon is the answer. If you get too big and vague, there can be no meaningful application.

So, i can't/won't find any answer. But I want to be decisive, I don't want to waffle, and I don't want to bend to whatever people say. I also don't want to be arrogant, close-minded, stubborn and myopic about my stance, simply because it cannot be fully right. When the latter happens, people no longer have conversations, they just talk - loudly, without listening. Why? Because being wrong hurts. Not only is it painful admitting that you're wrong, but there's a pretty high chance that you've built a bit of your identity around the position that you've adopted. So being wrong means having your identity shaken.

I just want to be gracious while being strong. To understand and empathize, even if I disagree. To understand that there is a person behind the opinion - it doesn't mean that I must patronize and agree, but it should lead me to be gentle in the presentation of my ideas.

I don't know. I've got a stake in this bubble called truth too, and it could hurt me. I am water. I take the path of least resistance, but I still am. And I absorb stuff along the way.

when the humming fades...

2008-09-10T02:29:00.009+10:00

I wake to the sound of humming, a low jangle of notes threading the air. I must have fallen asleep,writing in the bed.

'Who's there?' I whisper, receiving no response.

The boombox's clock glares 5:43a.m., but the window looks gray. Grandpa says gray skies are superior to blue. They show depths of colour. That's why paintings hang on gray walls in museums.

Reaching back, I push a headband on and kick aside the flouncy afghan. I study that word 'afghan', tasting it on my tongue until it no longer makes sense. Draping my body across the foot of the bed, I listen, leaning on my elbows. I can't grasp the tune but it feels familiar, like falling asleep with the stereo still playing. I dangle my hand under the bed, but I can't find my flashlight.

When the humming fades, under the clickity-clack of the heating fan, I slither from the sheets. I grab my gingham sweater, shrug into the sleeves and pad across the hardwood floors.

Sitting by the kitchen table, I watch the stars in their sockets. I couldn't help thinking of her smile, and the air suddenly smelled thick and sweet. Like strawberries boiling by the summer sun. I dug deep into my drawer for my favourite sketch of hers, now covered in dingy purple splotches. I cuddle up with Truffs and trace the outline of the balled-up Kleenex, listening to him listen to my silence.

showdown

2008-08-26T22:01:00.008+10:00

This is why Rob and I did not learn anything in Trusts:

Rob's:
A young bloke at uni called Rob,
decided to go get a job,
but his qualifications,
and industrial relations,
forced him to break down and sob.

Mine:
A maiden at college named Jo,
weighed down by Bcom's and LLB's
collapsed from the strain,
Alas, it was plain
she was killing herself by degrees.

i concede defeat.

Heck, at least we managed to kill the 1st hour.

Brilliance

2008-08-06T02:56:00.006+10:00

As the gifts of life that only truth can bring, I am living a life whose perfection I cannot believe be rivaled by any other. Show me a girl happier than myself, and I'd show you an illusion. Now if only everyone could be as happy as I.

meeting up with old friends, and making some new right after, making love to a city so dear and yet so oblivious. Making bread from scratch, indulging in cocktails drenched in candle light with friends whose affections hold me captive. Then comes the dessert and the cosy corners, chatter and incoherent sentences, blurred by the fuzzy layer of sheer glee that layers my existence now.

And with a calender bursting at the seams with lives to share, I cannot but feel that my happiness is so intense, it's almost poison. I'm so high, the air's getting thin, I might just choke on my own laughter. And then what? No matter, I'd petition for the govt of Indonesia to import their teh botol to Melbourne, so that Rene and I can drink ourselves silly on bliss.

Goodnight world. I love you.

FOOD FRENZY

2008-08-05T18:19:00.001+10:00

A few from the many waiting to go up, since the start of the year.

GingerLee's French toast Syrian style - with orange blossom syrup, honey labne, stewed rhubarb and pistachios.
The sweetest breakfast I've ever had. literally.

Poached eggs, slow braised field mushrooms, persian feta, avocado and lemon.

Baked eggs with tomatoes, spanish onion, feta and red capsicum.. and some complimentary carbs. - Balzari

Ortiz Anchovy on a super thin crouton with smoked tomato sorbet at MoVida

"Dish of the Year 2007": Cucina - air-cured wagyu beef thinly sliced with truffle foam and poached egg.

Carillera de buey: slowly braised beef cheek in Pedro Ximenez, on cauliflower puree

Ganache Caliente Con turron

Cafe Vue lunch box

baba ghanoush with grisini, tomato and spanish onion salad with testube of balsamic vinaigrette, lamb roll with mint, rocket and herb mayo, and rich chocolate and grand-marnier mousse.

Hot Chocolate with Persian Fairy floss and a chocolate freckle from Beetroot

... only about 134 577 more to go. and counting. (:

not-quite-ready

2008-07-29T01:20:00.008+10:00

After the break, I must confess I am pretty nervous about getting back to uni and studies. What if I trip down the law building steps, choke on my words during a moot, laugh too loud or just spontaneously combust? Kind of makes me envy all you friends out there who are already office-goers. At least you're parked in front of the computer the whole time talking about how busy you are, and nobody can see the screen that shows your current high Solitaire or Minesweeper score.

Maybe I can run away and studies would never see me again. I could live in a forest and eat berries. Crap, I need a better plan that that. So darn sleepy.

we've done it all

2008-07-24T14:25:00.000+10:00

i have half a thursday left

slept half of it away.

what a sorry waste.

i need something to do. rahh.

but everything's been done.

funny how the word 'town' holds a connotation of excitement and fun,

but in reality it is just plain washed put.

i also need to stop biting the side of my nails.

about two weeks ago during conversation

i absent mindedly referred to myself as "we".

it's been haunting me ever since.

apparently, thats a symptom of schizophrenia.

or it could have just been a slip of tongue.

hopefully the latter.

(contrary to popular belief, i am not already diagnosed with it)

MIA and exams

2008-07-23T23:39:00.007+10:00

I've been atrocious at updating and I'm really sorry if anyone of you thought I quit uni, left my rented apartment and got married in insert-your-own-ville or somewhere equally fascinating that's too frozen in time to have internet connection.

Anyway, my exams were all good. Only because God has been so amazing. I asked Him for the answers to some questions, and He told me. And I passed Property although honestly, I really did not deserve to pass. I am still in awe of it actually, of how real and true and amazing He is and how much He loves me.

I was seriously so worried about my Admin paper after screwing up Property. So I prayed God would give me a good choice of essay questions for the exam for which I could at least ramble on somewhat coherently about. So the night before my paper, I wrote out points for 2 essays to particular questions that I, for no real reason thought could be asked, and both questions came out in my exam. In almost exactly the same wording, both were there on the list of 5 essay questions of which I had to pick 2. What are the odds right? I nearly cried in the exam, cause I just couldn't believe it. God is so real. And I have always known that He was, but now I feel it. And this feelng is something I would not trade for the world.

People spend their whole lives searching for the meaning of life, trying to find out what or who can fully satisfy them, make them happy for all eternity... not knowing that all along, He was the answer to all their questions. "I have come that you might have life and have it to the full."

It's not a Religion, it's a Relationship.

escape

2008-06-19T23:51:00.001+10:00

i have this habit
whenever i am down or upset
i pick up something from my Enid Blyton collection
a collection that has grown in size since
i was 7 and stopped when i was about 12.

this habit continued up till i moved to melb for my studies.

i majorly screwed up my paper today
and when back at my place,
i immediately went back to my room
i immediately rummaged through my box of random books
and picked out 'The Fairy Collection' by Enid Blyton.

crouched in my bed under the doona as the rain poured
i suddenly stopped to ponder why the habit?

i wondered, what was the course of comfort that i found in her books?

she used to be my most favourit-est author when i was a kid yeah,
but since then i have grown to love many other authors.

perhaps its because her books provide me an escape,
a sense of feeling like a child again.
where the world and its worries were of no bother to me.
where everything was simple and
i wasn't weighed down with so many responsibilities.

when i was 9, i remember sitting on my school bus
wishing so much i was old as the high school girls seated at the back,
to be old enough to do whatever i want with no worries or care.

its ironic how sometimes at present
i would wish the complete opposite for the same reason
to be young again so i could do whatever i want with no worries or care.

2008-06-19T23:31:00.001+10:00

I am suddenly very afraid.

Shield me.

seven

2008-06-09T23:58:00.001+10:00

There she was, surrounded by rows and rows of fruits. I was standing slightly further behind her as she expertly picked each fruit and suddenly this weird sentiment, probably a mixture of deja vu and nostalgia, swept over my entire form as I observed her.

Once, we had an argument over the phone and the line got cut off. I was afraid she might think I hung up on her but was too full of pride to call her back. I thought of how mad anyone would be to be hung up on, but she messaged me back. I pressed redial and numbly murmured in agreement to what she had to say, thankful she wasn't able to see the tears that were welling up faster behind my lashes than i was able to blink them back. A few people at the bus stop paused to look as though I was the highlight of their day. But I couldn't care less. I knew I've hurt mum and was unreasonably forgiven - again.

I often ask myself before I drift to sleep, "What have I done for her?" In the hollow of the night, my answer is always the same.

"Not enough."

2008-06-06T02:05:00.001+10:00

I'm warm.
Like an egg.

secret spot

2008-05-27T00:07:00.013+10:00

Sitting on the bench at night
bundled up in jackets
heartfelt conversations
lame observations
a shoulder to lean on,
laughter and honesty
seagulls and pearls
ice cream and moonlight.

cause you are the sun in my universe

make me feel best when i feel the worst

cause this is real and this is good

it warms the inside just like it should

but most of all

.................. .

27/08/06; April 07'

Little Superhero Girl

2008-05-22T21:37:00.000+10:00

I feel like a little girl
trying to conquer the whole wide world
I've got work piled up to my head
all i want to do is jump into bed
and wash away my troubles
with lemonade
play hide and seek
with the boy next door?
take a trip to Singapore
and imagine how i'll make the world
a better place.

If i were a little girl
trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
teach them swearing is just not cool
i'd give every kid a teddy bear
turn starving people into millionaires
break glass ceilings with dynamite
sprinkle a little sugar and spice
turn the bullies that terrorize
into pink poodles that bark,
but don't bite.

All i need is a good disguise
one where nobody can recognise
that i'm feeling so small;
all i need is a secret weapon
i've got to have faith
zapping monsters into outer space
i'm gonna be a Superhero.

2008-05-21T14:06:00.001+10:00

So the law building was warm, with the heaters all turned on and all. The screens were up and sun rays were shining through. Warm... I think I shall take off my thick long sleeve shirt and go to class in my tank top. Just like in Malaysia!

Ok let me just pull up them hem... up to my neck... twist, turn... hmm who's that man walking through the corridor right at me... undress... undress... Oh, that's my property lecturer... undress undress... awkward...

Lecturer side steps into adjacent empty space to avoid head-on collision/eye-contact with small girl in process of removing her shirt. He reemerges a little to my right and keeps walking.

Story of my life.

John 6: 5 -14

2008-05-21T02:36:00.001+10:00

I often think about the boy
when I'm feeling small
and I worry that the work I do
means nothing at all
But every single tear I cry
is a diamond in His hands
and every door that slams in my face
I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Lord, you can work miracles
All you need is my "Amen".

Take my five loaves and two fishes;
Do with it as you will
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small.

I trust in you.

outsmarting Ed.

2008-05-19T16:59:00.002+10:00

EgoBesar Ed and my conversation on Msn.

* Keiichi Tsuchiya is this old 'Drifting King' from Japan that Ego Besar and his friends worship.

jo : woikz! Guess who just mailed me?!

Ego Besar : who?

jo : Mr. Tsuchiya

Ego Besar : balls!

jo : yeah.. he asks if i wanna buy sushi from him

Ego Besar : aka the king of drifting?

jo : dunno... keiichi tsuchiya.. same guy?

Ego Besar : ...

jo : yeah, so should i get sushi from him?

Ego Besar : yeah.

jo : ....

jo : i SO had you didn't i?

Ego Besar : no.

jo : what was your reaction?

Ego Besar : like this --> -.-

jo : don't bluff! i bet a million questions rushed though your head!!

jo : "omg! drift king! what the? tsuchiya mailed her? in Melbourne? not possible! but then wait! how did she know of his name? why did my fart stink so much just now? What should i have for breakkie tomorrow?"

jo : hahahahahahahaaaaaa

i outsmarted him! i outsmarted him, i did! i did!

2nd room on the left

2008-05-10T11:46:00.003+10:00

In her shape-shifting dreams, they are always laughing. The room is brightly lit, filled with homemade decorations and presents. A little girl twirls in her new clothes pretending she's a ballerina while a woman irons clothes on a make-shift ironing board. They're singing tunelessly and having pillow fights and having juice. They're sitting on the bed and emptying their conversations into each others' laps, they're lying elbow to elbow on their bellies, watching her favourite video for the hundredth time. They are wearing overlapping smiles - no need for any words.

This is what it looks like: three beds side by side, sheets untouched. The room appears much bigger than it did back them. There is a dusty old Christmas tree left from years ago, with homemade decorations littered in its nooks and crannies - like little cobwebs of darkness. In the corner of the room perched a box the size of a pony, seemingly empty. But the little girl knows better. It is filled with dusty sentimentality and empty Christmas wishes.

Under her favourite blanket worn thin in many places, the little girl curls up into a ball and waits for dawn. And for a split second she finds herself unable to give thanks.

I fall asleep to the rumble scene in my mind. Where have you gone?

2008-05-04T21:00:00.002+10:00

OK! OKOK! WHAT SAY YOU WE ALL JUST DROP THIS SHIT AND KILL THE LAW AND JUST LOVE. LOVE!!! YOU HEAR ME???? LOVE!!

In other news, Jo is really really fed up with property law.

Treasure chest

2008-04-30T01:32:00.000+10:00

My inbox is a treasure chest. I found these 2 waiting for me today. The first made me cry, the second made me laugh till i could laugh no more.

Dear Jo,

No matter how good things are in life, remember there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. Remember how we discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of thousands of people, God was not going to heal mummy or make it easy for her. It was very difficult for her and you especially, yet God has strengthened your character, made her and you a testimony and drawn you closer to him.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. You will meet people who will take advantage of you, take you for granted, even bad people. cest la vie dear. Face them smiling and learn something. But do not let anyone make you feel depleted or less alive.

If you are lying on your bed moping about, I want you to say, "God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love you better." You're not here just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what you are than what you do.

I know you know this but again, in your happy moments, remember to praise God, difficult moments, seek God, quiet moments, worship God, painful moments, trust God, and every moment, thank God.

So Jo, remember daddy loves you and thinks you are a great girl. You genuinely love God, you are kind, honest, you have spunk and much more. For that I couldn't be prouder.

love,
daddy

p/s: eat well and daddy knows you also have an essay to do. Give it your best. Daddy can't afford you to fail. ;

> > I'M TYPING IN CAPS NOW BUT THAT'S COS I'M VERY
> > F***INGLY HIGHLY EXCITED, AND I FEEL LIKE I'M
> GOING
> > TO
> > FAINT ANY F***ING MINUTE.
> >
> > I SAW HUGH GRANT TONITE AS I WAS COMING HOME FROM
> > BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. AND I TOOK A PIC WITH HIM.
> > *YELLS* AND I SPOKE TO HIM AND HE'S GOT A GORGEOUS
> > VOICE. I COULD DIE. I THINK I'M DYING. I''LL LEAVE
> U
> > OWEN N SUNSHINE.
> >
> > OMG OMG OMG HE'S SOOO GORGEOUS, I THINK I'M GOING
> TO
> > GET AN ASTHMA ATTACK NOW. NOOOW.
> >
> > OMG OMG OMG.
> >
> > OMG OMG OMG.
> >
> > OMG OMG OMG.

(Name of sender withheld to protect her dignity.)

blahh.

2008-04-29T14:23:00.002+10:00

Take me back to a time when I actually cared
I need some engaging to be done to me.

I need to be centered, and to not lose myself to goals, ideals and cookie cutter definitions.

In order to deal with this, I read my tort and hipple essays. I wonder if i should cry.

Committing my day

2008-04-26T23:10:00.012+10:00

I woke up early last morning,
And rushed right into the day;
I had so much to accomplish,
I didn't have time to pray.

Troubles just tumbled about me,
and heavier came each task;
I wondered "Hey God, why don't you help me?"
He answered, "Hey Jo, you didn't ask."

I tried to come into His presence,
I used all my keys at the lock;
God gently and lovingly chided,
"Why Jo, you didn't knock."

I wanted to see joy and beauty,
But the day toiled gray and bleak;
I wondered why God didn't show me,
He said "Hey Jo, you didn't seek."

So I woke up early this morning,
And paused before entering the day;
I had so much to accomplish,
That I had to take time to pray.

2008-04-24T01:35:00.002+10:00

so we were watching The Devil Wears Prada
while supposedly doing research,
and it was uber awesome.

anyways,

i was telling Adam how much i loved Anne Hathaway in The Princess Diaries.
and he just burst out laughing making some random remark about my age.
he thinks i watch it because i want to one day be a princess.

hello?
i may have a vivid imagination but i'm not delusional.
none of my parents are royalty and there's no chance of me being adopted,
so obviously i've ruled out any possible chances of ever becoming a princess.
soshaddaplahh.

the thing is,
its not the whole "becoming-a-princess" idea that appeals to ~~young girls~~ girls of all ages.
its just the concept of coming out of your shell, accepting yourself and being confident of who you are.
teenage girls are always so insecure...
"does he notice me?"
"do they like me?"
"maybe if i listen to Sum41 everyone will think i'm cool!"

struggling to fit in is something most people can relate to really.
and kids these days do practically everything imaginable to appear part of a crowd.
once upon a time, it was just cool.
now... being uncool is the new cool.
haha.

anyways,
stories with happy endings appeal to the mass because after all,
the reason we turn to stories is to escape from reality.
to get lost in a world where anything is possible,
where the boy gets the girl, where the bitchy popular cheerleader gets coned, where
the struggling musician gets his break, where true love comes almost easily.

thats what stories are for.

here's an example.
i'm not a massive fan of Paris Hilton but
her video does warm my heart.

(click to view. paris hilton - nothing in this world)

i shouldn't ask.

2008-04-18T03:03:00.003+10:00

Jo: eh.. if i died would you come to my funeral?

[without even hesitating]

Roger: will your husband be serving food?

i need new friends.

screwed

2008-04-17T03:06:00.002+10:00

i love being a student,
it appeals to me.
but man do i dread asignments.
homework. blargh...

i am so beat right...?
looking forward to a nice cup tea,
tucking myself in and watching some Will&Grace.

*sniffles at lost moment*

sitting at the table after completing my essay for
admin,
i skimmed through the lms, and my timetable and see
3 hours of evidence tomorrow.

nothing came... i continued reading PerezHilton,
omg im currently obsessed with gossip blogs.
and Damien, you are to blame.
but i still love you of course.

then i dont' know what it was
but it just hit me. hard.
like a steam-engine train to my face.

double aiyo...
admin hurdle requirement not completed!!!

i went online straight away and there it was...
"ADJR hurdle requirement due 17th April 4pm."

you know how when you're in a complex searching desperately for
a parking lot..
and suddenly you see one, and you brighten up, stress gone,
then you approach it with glee and dang!
a Perodua Kancil's ass smiles provocatively back at you.

yeah... this felt 13749 times worse.
i went straight and made myself another cup of tea.
heck yeah i'll need a lot of caffeine to stay up for this

i was well looking forward to a night of dozing off to newly acquired tunes,
and now i'm stuck with a long 4 part online hurdle requirement to do

dear Caroline*,
as of the words of David Bowie,
wham bam thank you ma'am!

*Caroline is my admin woman.

rmphh

2008-04-10T19:52:00.006+10:00

i had like 7 million blue pens.
now i can't find any of them.
grrr...

stick your hands inside of my pockets
keep them warm while i'm still here
stick your heart inside of my chest
keep it safe while we rest here

lucky sticks and dirty tricks
i would like more attention please, thank you.

Rain

2008-04-10T14:40:00.004+10:00

Have you ever listened to the rain?

It has been some time since I had.

The rain leaves a trail of happiness I can only dream of.

This world of misgivings seeks perfection.

I seek the courage to pursue.

Philippians 4:13

2008-04-06T23:06:00.003+10:00

Does "all things" also mean "everything at the same time"?

10 toes and a Bluey

2008-03-27T23:13:00.007+10:00

Yo listen up: here's a story
About a little guy that lives in a blue world
And all day and all night and everything he sees
Is just blue laundry, inside and outside
Blue his favorite shirt with a blue pair of boxers
And a blue singlet
And everything is blue for him and himself
And everybody around

'Cause

he

so

silly

la.

*

On another note, I currently am the proud owner of 10 toes. Ask me again tomorrow.

things i like (and other stuff)

2008-03-19T23:44:00.001+10:00

i like the sky
i like the stars
i like hills with benches on top
i like highways at night
i like going for endless rides to nowhere
i like spontaneity
i like how nothing is perfect
i like how you don't know what I'm thinking
i like hot chocolates with melted baby marshmallows
i like music you can sing along to
i like music you can sway to
i like music you can bop to
i like music
i like chart tunes covered acoustically
i hate it when people put others down
i like pictures where people aren't posing for the camera
i like posing for the camera
i like walking barefoot on the beach
i like walking barefoot on the grass
i like how you can't help but be part of the crowd
i like when people complain that everyone's the same
i like how i can see the difference in people
i like hoping
i like having secrets
i like being with my friends
i like walks in the sunshine
i like sitting on the swing in that playground at night
i like rolling down hills
i like black & white movies
i like it when people quote from movies & other people don't understand
i like it when someone says something & another person bursts into song because of what they said
i like it when someone tells a lame joke & only i am laughing
i like how people's lives aren't documented & you just have to trust each other
i hate it when people are pretentious
i like mint ice cream
i like it when something i want to happen happens
i like when something i want doesn't happen but something even better happens instead
i like being simple
i like inside jokes
i like being free
i like that sometimes i speak so fast people don't understand me
i like the spur of every moment
i like my life
i like how some people hate their lives but underneath it's not that bad
i like hippos
i like carebears
i hate goodbyes
i like how my mood swings
i like the basketball court at night
i like how i have secret tattoos
i like how i do naughty things sometimes
i like how my relatives think i'm someone completely different from who i really am
i like who i am
i like making pictures out of clouds
i like when i stay up all night and hear the birds at dawn
i like catching up with old friends
i like how i am still in contact with old friends
i like watching musicals at theatres
i like buying new undies
i like swiping my card
i like how i can't stand the concept of consumerism but am victim to it
i like otters
i like the smell of rain on fresh cut grass
i like letting my imagination run wild
i like milk chocolate cookies
i like ready-to-bake cookies
i like baking
i like this
i like how i still haven't run out of stuff but i'm going to stop
i like that you read this.

the best kind of humidity

2008-03-18T23:25:00.005+10:00

Spring in Melbourne this year sure isn't friendly. We walked through the many little arcades and malls, occasionally relishing the cool air in random shops since the air outside was filled with stagnant humidity. you know, the best kind of humidity. For making people suicidal.

On the third day, my body responded to being sun-raped by becoming too lethargic to venture anywhere beyond 1km of my apartment unless i had class or the offer of free fancy schmancy food. But Review was having megabega sales.

Review.

70%

Nuff' said.

Heart Day

2008-02-12T23:51:00.000+10:00

Scarlet shapes that linger in mid-air
Along with boxes of mass-packaged sins,
That man at the entrance repeats to all
'Bring home a stalk to show how you feel!'

A particular date of the second month
Presents with it smart themes and schemes,
While many rush to purchase and spend,
Lords of consumerism laugh to their banks.

Endless displays of thoughtless ornaments
Laid to trigger obligation and guilt,
'Come one, come all, come marvel this bear!
Bring home a stalk to show that you care.'

Happy Birthday Daddy Dearest!!

2008-02-08T22:02:00.000+10:00

His love is unselfish and endless, his words are never unkind (even when his predictions that we always reject and scoff at actualize). He is enduring and forgiving, creative and intelligent. There's nothing this man can't do, and nothing he wouldn't give. He is Superdad in every sense of the word. Happy birthday daddy, I love you more than clothes, shoes and cake combined!

because I can

2008-02-08T04:11:00.000+10:00

In everything, Joanna, be beautiful.

I will buy tissue paper from the uncles and aunties in the hawker centers, because I can.

baby mandarin madness

2008-01-25T02:42:00.000+10:00

I'm in KL!!.. the place where my second favourite wan tan mee sells for only RM3.50.

*sigh, such bliss. =)

Anyhoos, before I even had time to appreciate and bask in the post Christmas season with the dazzling sparkles that came and went along with it, my part of the world had already gone and painted every thing blood red.

It's all too familiar.

Supermarkets selling enough mandarin oranges to fill a small country, promoters shoving ba gua/ pineapple tarts/love-letters in you face, and the cringe-inducing, ear-piercing remix versions of "dong dong dong qiang" playing so loudly at every corner that you need to holler at your briefly deafened feet to snap out of it and walk faster.

Yet, this is what I've been looking forward to the moment it ended last year. It's that time of the year I snub the FDA's daily recommendation of calories, fats and sugar. Can't be more thankful the Chinese New Year celebrations (eat till your heart stops) don't last more than a week else I'll look like a sumo-potential next to my 2 paper-thin cousins.

isn't it ironic?

2008-01-19T00:13:00.000+10:00

have i ever told you of how i broke my nose as a child?

we used to have a row of flower pots in the garden
on which i used to jump from one to another.
then one time, i tripped and fell on my face.
and broke my nose.

blood was running like a tap but there was nobody around
so i didn't cry

do you know what i mean?

how as a child, if there isn't anyone there to comfort you
it seems pointless to cry.

and then we grow up.
now it's only alright to cry when there's no one around.

backyard bliss

2007-12-29T22:26:00.000+10:00

It's saturday afternoon, the sun is high and we're in the backyard on a couch with iced tea and songs tucked under blankets and giggles. What other life is there? But that of blood diamonds and sewer children who live under the curse of existence, their governments. And us.

But life is beautiful and full of love. Here and there. Then and now.

Robby boy, I'm excited for you. Too much, I'm exploding.

in the spirit of christmas!

2007-12-12T00:08:00.000+10:00

those who know me personally are probably aware of how i absolutely adore christmas.
i love the songs, i love decorating the christmas tree while prancing silly to the tune of old faithful christmas records by elvis, pat boone and of course bing crosby, i love the atmosphere, i love buying gifts, i love receiving gifts and this year, i love that i can spend it with all the family.

heck yeah,
i adore christmas.

so in the spirit of it all,
i have decided to use a more seasonal song, or two.
and to give you wonderful readers the chance to view the cutest little elves (note: the one on the left) that ever existed. =)

**Thanks has to be given to Isaac for creating it and making my day. Your housemate points have just skyrocketed.

God is good

2007-12-10T17:12:00.000+10:00

What has God been saying to me lately?

One thing, over and over again: Don't worry. I will provide.

Everything to date has been nothing short of a blessing.

There is really nothing to fear.

peh...

2007-12-04T00:43:00.000+10:00

Alcoholic and I were talking about David's girlfriend Feli;

darrell says:
last yr right me dav and her was suppose to have brunch together...
darrell says:
then we all waiting at 1u... she came to 1u and then had to go back cuz her mum said she wanted to follow her
darrell says:
damn funny
jo says:
i was there
darrell says:
oh yea...

blur until can die.

AX, I love you.

2007-11-26T23:34:00.000+10:00

When: 23 November 2007
Where: Armani Exchange, Melbourne Central
Local Time: 4.35pm
Eating: Your heart out

It's the pre-summer sales and I think I've gone partially insane. Do I really need 27,305, 927 T-shirts? Thank goodness though, for those delicious display models at Armani. If not for their distracting muscles and absolute sizzlingness (you now this is a word), I'd have cause death to my credit card. And then to myself. The front models in the shop have faces (and, asses) of pure AX.com... le sigh.

This is why I don't mind guys who go to gym *hint*hint*

Left-hand side

Right-hand side

My favourite side

That's all I can say and here's a tissue, quit drooling.

cause i'll get back up again

2007-11-16T11:57:00.000+10:00

It can't be wrong to fall
or choosing to be wrong
surely the occasional dirt is good for you
its not that i'm unafraid of failing
cause i am
terribly
but we learn so much more about ourselves as and when we overcome it
like unlocking new stages by completing new levels
discovering sides we never knew of

my mother used to go on to me about how there are some experiences that one shouldn't need to have (e.g. rape, kidnap, failing college, etc.)
but of course i never listened to her
its not like i had wanted to experience such things
i just desired a lot i think
i craved for a lot
and i still do
just different things

but i am so very addicted to that rush
when everythings new
and foreign
that blow on the ego
and the mending of it
the things we discover
fear and satisfaction
when we question ourselves
and encourage
learning to grin and bear it
being humbled
its emotional ecstasy

so keep a distance, its ok
i'll get back up if i fall astray.
sometimes we need to feel the pain,
can't have rainbows without the rain.

darling, there's no need to fear
i've been where you've been
the loneliness will take you whole
but you know, you know,
we must never give in

step back, its fine
just let us break
step back, its fine
just let us fall

cause it doesn't matter if we lose it all
we'll love the dirt when we learn to crawl

When you

2007-11-12T20:06:00.000+10:00

put conditioner in your hair before you put the shampoo;

arrive on time at the REB, wait around a bit and wonder why something's not right and enter only to be stopped because you're still carrying your bag;

walk into a bright yellow traffic light/lamp post thing in front of everyone at the REB

...... you know you are tired.

...said the learned Economist

2007-11-12T03:03:00.000+10:00

I don't know much
But I know...
No, I don't know much, at all.

And that may be all I need to know.

-yours truly

Quietude and I

2007-11-06T04:34:00.000+10:00

Quietude
It is a beautiful absorption. A moment of focus
There appears to be more than geographical distance between us.
Quietude and I.

A longing.
To clench on waning hope.
Source of vitality and motivation.
Without it, I begin to wither and die.

Death.
Radiant and buoyant
To contend no disappointments.

Trying before the resounding rain.
Disconcerted is the shade of colourless.
Sinking faith returns.
Feckless with pounding pain.

How did I end up here?
Oh, I never left.

To be that difference

2007-11-03T20:16:00.000+10:00

The only thing that motivates me to study is that thought that maybe, one day, I'd be in places like Burma, changing the world.